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We passed Phobos on the way out  the inner Martian moon would have to wait.
We tethered together without incident after trans-Earth insertion in an operation that turned out to be
surprisingly simple. Per went outside and hooked the ships together while they were nosed up to each
other. Each ship then translated to its own right while the line played out, and when the cable was mostly
out, did a small burn at right angles to the tether to induce the rotation. Any swinging motions were
damped with attitude control thrusters.
Despite six men and one woman, there were no struggles between people on the return mission. Its
Commander and her understanding first mate saw to that. The Norwegians had a little battery powered
tether runner that gripped the line like a set of tram wheels and pulled you from one ship to another.
Ingrid made the trip once a week. We all had frequent times alone with her  and it was not necessarily
for sex. People are made to come in pairs, I think, and there are times when it is comforting to be with a
woman even if you do nothing but look at the stars, not even talk.
One night three weeks out from Mars, we found ourselves in the dome alone. Per and Mustaffa were
asleep below. We sat side by side on one of the acceleration couches, touching comfortably  and
uncomfortably. I was fighting a war with myself inside, and losing, again.
 Could you care for me, really. I asked, meaning could you be the wife of a man who would protect
you, who would not let you sleep with others, who would lead you instead of follow?  I think, at times,
that I would undo everything to have you, and accept what fate that would bring.
To take another man s wife? To steal in the bed a share of the glory I could not win among the stars? No
man with self-respect would do that, but events had stripped me to my essential needs. I could summon
little sympathy for Per either; he seemed far too careless with his property.
Ingrid touched my lips with her fingers.  It could not be the same with you as with Per. He gives me the
space I need and, in my way, I am unbreakably loyal to him. I enjoy doing things for people I care for,
but not for life. I cannot be owned by anyone, and I think you want to own me.
Wanting what I cannot have is a way of life for me. It does not stop me from trying. I looked up at the
Amundsen , far overhead on the other end of the tether.  Does it have a telescope? I asked.
 Of course it does, she answered,  do you think they watch us now? She smiled and waved at the
distant ship.  Should we put on a show?
I shook my head.  Ingrid, God forgive me, I want to love you, but to prove it, you ask me to abandon
my culture, my concepts of right and wrong that lie more deeply in my soul than any other. I am ashamed
of myself.
 I am not ashamed of what I do not think is wrong. She smiled and added,  But I would not embarrass
you. We can always turn out the lights, Enrico, so no one can see through the reflection.
I stared at her.  You knew.
 I know many things  like how to win a race to Mars, and how to run a happy ship.
 The maneuvers, the surprise separation. That wasn t Halvorsen s doing?
 Was Halvorsen on this ship? Was it Halvorsen who had a personal stake in being first  oh, he had
point to make, but,nei , it was not a point that required his being first. If anything he is somewhat upset
with me. Her laugh was a throaty burble of delight.  No, that dear old man did not beat you to Mars. I
did. I wanted to be first because I am a woman and I wanted to do something no one would ever forget,
or put in second place. So I did it.
The look of complete shock on my face must have troubled even her. Good men had died  but did
they die because of what she did, or because of what I did in response? And if she had not responded
and it had happened anyway  I and five more would be dead.
 You must get used to this, I think. She caressed my chest and murmured,  It is not so hard to
understand, is it? That no one owns me, that I, too, pursue my own goals and my own happiness?
But it was hard. My mind was elsewhere, so lost in the maze of contingency that the only way out was to
step out of the maze entirely through a greater dimension  that of providence. What happened, [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]