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She waited.
 I don t think sex without orgasm is necessarily any more
sacred or sustainable than sex with. I think sex without orgasm can
be just as product-oriented, just as dishonest.
She still waited.
 We ve all heard of men using sex only to get off, or men
using sex as conquest.
 Yes.
 What about women who use sex to  catch a man? Isn t that
just as profane, whether or not she has an orgasm? I think orgasms
are beside the point. The point is presence, and the point is hon-
esty.
 It s like in your dream.
A few years before, I d asked for a dream that would reveal
my biggest fear in relationships. That night, I dreamt I walked into
a tackle shop and asked if they had any worms. The man behind the
counter said,  We don t have any worms, but we have some lips.
He reached underneath, pulled out a styrofoam container, opened
it. Inside were disarticulated lips squirming in some base material.
He picked up a pair and put it on the counter, where it continued to
wriggle. I woke up. The dream was clear. My biggest fear in relation-
ships was lip service, was that someone would use her lips to deceive
me, to hook me, to reel me in, whether through talking, kissing, or
anything else. That someone would present herself one way to catch
Songs of the Dead " 111
me, and then I would find out she was not what she seemed. The
worm was no worm: it was a lure, with a hook attached. The lips
were not lips: they were a lure, with hook attached. That s something
I ve always loved about Allison: she acts the same now as she did on
our first date, only better.
 Those are all just different ways, I said to Allison,  of valu-
ing product over process.
 It s even more complex, she responded.  I ve had a few
female friends who said they ve never had an orgasm with a partner.
I ve always thought that was sad. But what appalled me was that all
of these women said none of their partners ever knew.
 Which means. . . .
 Exactly.
 Not a single one of those fuckers. . . . I stopped, raised my
eyebrows.
 By definition, she said.
 Ever bothered to ask.
 Or if they did they believed the lie.
 The point isn t orgasms. The point is mutuality. I delicately
pressed the skin on her shoulder with my forefinger. I love to look at
the slight incurvation of her skin under this pressure, and its return
when I release. I said,  It s no wonder passion dies.
But that conversation was long ago, and now I m lying next
to Allison, still sexually hungry, but with an aching prostate, talking
with her about who s in charge.
 Bacteria, she says.
 What?
 Bacteria create cities.
I shake my head.
 Bacteria get into people s minds and they change people s
behavior. They make people build cities, gather in large groups. All
so the bacteria can feed. Cities are giant factory farms to provide
food for bacteria, and in addition, the bacteria are slave drivers. It s
112 " Derrick Jensen
like the spider who s been taken over by the wasp larva. She builds
the structure in which she ll soon die. Humans construct their own
mausoleums, too, only they call them cities. She pauses, then says,
 We should just acknowledge that bacteria are the main beneficiaries
of cities.
I start to say,  I don t 
But she interrupts me, says,  Or maybe chickens are in
charge. Chickens used to have a fairly small range in Southeast Asian
jungles, and now they re all over the world. I think the deal they
made with humans is that we could eat some of them if we increased
their range. That deal has worked out well for both of us, except that
now factory farms are an abrogation of the deal.
 Or it could be various plants. I ve read that the plants we
say we ve domesticated have actually domesticated us, so they could
increase their range.
 What do you mean?
 Grains contain opioids, specifically exorphins. This has led
some researchers to suggest that addiction is the genesis of agricul-
ture. Really, no other explanation makes sense. Backbreaking labor
for piss-poor nutrition? Why? Why did people ever start doing it?
But in most places that the right plants (and animals) have existed,
humans have done it. Why? Because we get a little happy hit.
 You serious?
 Dead. The effects of exorphins are qualitatively the same
as those produced by other opioid drugs: reward, motivation, reduc-
tion of anxiety, a sense of well-being, and perhaps even addiction.
Perhaps nothing. For some people, their brain chemistry is already so [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]